Hailey, my partner and I have been living together for three years, and things are getting kinda boring in the bedroom. How do we spice things up?

There are two things you must do. Take your habit hat off and put your thinking cap on. What have you always wanted to try? No time like a stale time to bust out your desire to do a little “nurse and patient” role-playing or try having sex in the washroom at a crowded party. Communicate with your partner to discover their hidden desires and open your mind as far as Paris Hilton opens her legs (er... when doing yoga, I mean). Take the time to rediscover each other and break any old sexual habits you’ve fallen into—change the time, the place and the way you have sex. Try picking up a great little book called Position of the Day—Sex Every Day in Every Way (Chronicle Books, 2003). Be warned though, some of these positions are physically impossible; Have a great time trying to prove me wrong.

Hailey, I've been sexually active for ten years and with my hubby for five of those years. I’ve never had an orgasm. Any tips?

The first thing to know is that your partner has nothing to do with this; he can be the best of the best at whatever he’s doing, but it might not be the best for you. Try to get to orgasm alone. That’s right, begin with masturbation because no one knows what feels right better than you. And once you know, you’ll be better equipped to explain it to your partner. Find time when you know you won’t be interrupted, grab some lubricant, a racy book, a vibrator, if desired, then lie back and get uninhibited. There are different ways to get to the “oooh” point, and you have to be patient—you might not get it on the first couple tries. For detailed instructions, I highly recommend Benjamin and Georgia-Kline Graber’s Woman’s Orgasm (Time Warner Publishing, 1988), and Betty Dodson’s Sex for One: The Joy of Self-Loving (Crown, re-issued 1996).

Hailey, I’ve been a porn connoisseur for years, but recently my girlfriend moved in. Will she freak if I ask her to watch with me?

Men have a very strong response to visual stimulation. Women, on the other hand, are more responsive to the things they hear. Does this mean that we don’t enjoy a little porn every now and again? Of course not! Have you run the idea by your girlfriend? It may be a non-issue. But, if she’s new to the art of “watching,” make sure you stay open with her and ensure she’s comfortable. The genres of porn that are available are endless: You can find practically anything out there from plot-driven soft porn to hard-core fetish films. Discover what type gets her going. If she doesn’t get comfortable with any kind, it will just have to be something that you do solo. And really, is that so bad?