My girlfriend is always on my case about leaving the toilet seat up after I take a leak. But consider this: I always have to lift it up before I go because she’s always leaving it in the “down” position. So I have to move the seat because of her inconsiderate habits. Isn’t it only fair that she should have to expend a similar amount of pre-pee effort?
Bret says...
Oh, for the love of Pete. Sit down to pee, you Neanderthal.
Kate says...
This is why I totally love my husband.
What the hell is with men and their tempers when they’re driving?
Kate says...
I’m going to tell you a story about Bret. We call it “Horseshit Day.”
Most of the time, Bret is a very safe, very considerate driver. In fact, I’ve often found myself pleading, “Come on, come on! Can’t we at least go the speed limit?” But generally, I just thank my lucky stars. I once had a boyfriend who was a road owner, and trust me: enduring bumbling is so much better than begging someone to stop trying to kill you.
Anyway, one day shortly before our wedding, we were out in our car, turning down the street to my mom’s house, and a guy stepped in front of the car and told us we couldn’t go that way because his truck was there. I thought this was okay, given there was a hundred-year-old tree lying across the road, but Bret went all crazy and yelled at the guy and said this was “horseshit!” He went seriously bonkers, with steam coming out of his ears, and little cuss signs all around his head and everything. I now blame it on pre-wedding nerves. The truck guy just sort of stared at him in disbelief.
Finally, Bret realized that the truck was there because the old tree had fallen over. But he had such a mad-on, he couldn’t bring himself to apologize, and we wiggle-reversed in shame back down the long, long one-way street.
All that to say, occasionally men get mad behind the wheel for no good reason. (And yes, women do, too, sometimes.) My guess is that it’s an outlet for whatever unrelated stress they happen to be feeling, combined with an inability to express that stress constructively. There are also the well-documented small-penis hang-ups of your average SUV driver. In the case of my ex-boyfriend, and any other man for whom this is a constant issue, doesn’t it kind of make you wonder? After all: small penis, deep-seated anger at the world… Maybe not the best choice of life partner after all.
Bret says...
Yes, it’s true. I totally have a huge, giant, enormous dong. It is spectacular. When I think about it I get all relaxed and do not feel the need to yell “horseshit!” at anyone.
What was the question again?
