Nothing says “let’s get it on” like asking your partner to star in an amateur porno film written, directed and co-starring you. If the mere suggestion of it causes smoke to blow out of his or her ears, start by photographing your lover in sexy underthings. Slowly work up to nudes, and soon enough, you’ll both be primed to make the two-backed beast on film.

Now you’re ready to roll. If your bedroom is dimly lit, bring in some extra wattage; if it’s daytime, open up the shades—this is not time to be shy, you are making porn here. Mirrors are great, too.
When everything is good to go, get a full undress rehearsal underway. Try keeping a hand on the camcorder for zoom-enhanced body-roaming pleasures, or expand position possibilities by perching the lens atop a night table or tripod. If you opt to go hands-free, make sure the cam is aimed at some scintillating skin, not at that stank laundry pile in the corner.

And…action. “It says here on my work order that your toaster is overheating,” you might say in soft-core salute before getting down to some off-the-hook penguin-pecking, grizzly-groping, orangutan-banging passion pie. If at anytime during the bop session you feel your partner holding back, yell cut, take a breather and then gently remind them that as this is going to somehow eventually end up on the internet, you might as well do a bang-up job. Take three.

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