Dear Smug Marrieds: Will marriage be the end of sex for us?
Bret says…
Yes.
Kate says…
Hey, my dear. Remember that baby I just had? Ouch!
No, marriage won’t kill sex. (But babies may put a damper on things for a while.) I do wonder why you’re asking, though. If you’re not quite through the I-can’t-keep-my-hands-off-you stage, it’s too soon to be thinking about marriage. You need to be past that to decide whether you can live with each other forever. And why would you think it would be the end of sex? Sex is a fairly integral part of marriage, but it is not the be-all and end-all. You may need to change your expectations—especially if you think that the end of sex means only having it once a week.
Bret says…
As research for this answer, I interviewed many couples, who were all male and totally gay. Here is what they had to say: Even if your couple is made up of 100 percent men, and even if said men are incorrigible horndog pigs, which they are because they are men, your couple will have less sex than it would like. Your couple will still manage periodic sessions of explosive spraying-on-the-wallpaper sex, but those will happen mostly during vacations. Deal.
Dear Smug Marrieds: Pre-marriage, I used to watch nothing but sports on TV, but now all I watch are home and decor shows—and I love them! Do I do it out of circumstance? Life stage?
Bret says…
Life stage. I used to spend all week looking forward to Friday night, because that was when While You Were Out aired on TLC. I also looked forward to Saturday night, because that was all about Trading Spaces, which was also on TLC. But now
I have zero time for TLC, or indeed for decorating TV in general. I also noticed my interest waned at almost exactly the same time Paige Davis and Leslie Segrete vanished from prime time.
Kate says…
And here I thought it was because you were genuinely interested in makeover shows. Leslie Segrete I can see. But Paige Davis? Really? In a way I’m relieved, especially with all the “research” you were doing for the previous question.
Dear Smug Marrieds: My wife is a hard-core New Democrat, and I'm a diehard Conservative. Is this going to cause undue strain on our relationship?
Bret says…
You know what diehard Conservatives are? They
are angry little dweebs who never get laid. Time for an attitude adjustment, you angry little dweeb!
Kate says…
Just grow a nice, bushy moustache. You’ll be fine.
Dear Smug Marrieds: My husband wants to live in a condo, but I want to live in a house. How do you propose we settle this?
Bret says…
Looks like you’re just going to have to fight this one out until someone wins. Be gracious in victory. Also be gracious in defeat. And if you settle on a real cheap condo, maybe you should consider getting a cottage.
Kate says…
Consider defeat. If you give in on this enormous battle, just think about how many small battles you’ll win with a simple “Well, I wanted to get a house, but I gave in and let us live in this condo.” Anyway, condo living rarely lasts forever. If you have kids, you’ll probably both feel the need to own a house—there’s just something about needing a patch of soft grass for little toddler bums to fall on.
