Q: If life is cyclical, is our sex life too?
I don’t know if I agree that life is cyclical. Maybe more wavy, with ups and downs all the way along. And I would definitely say that our sex lives are wavy. But life and sex life are not mutually exclusive; what goes on in one definitely affects the other. Whether you’re in bed or at the office, sometimes you’re hot, sometimes you’re not.

Q: We live busy lives and end up just having quickies. How can we make time for more sexy fun?
You schedule it. I know it’s not the sexiest to plan out sex—and spontaneous sex is some of the hottest around—but life sometimes requires a bit of planning. So make a date. Turn off the TV. Do all of your chores. (Believe it or not, a sink full of dirty dishes can be really distracting for a woman trying to get in the mood.) Put on the music, light a candle or two and get out the lube. And for the time between your dates, quickies are just fine.

Q: Why does it take so long for a woman to reach the point of orgasm?
Wouldn’t you like to know? I sure would. There are different theories about this. One is the idea that men are “programmed” to spread their seed as often as possible, thus ensuring the survival of our species. And because no seed is spread if a man is flaccid, a quick start-up time is beneficial. Women don’t have to do anything to release their eggs other than exist, so it’s not necessary for them to be aroused in order to procreate—though even that idea has been contested. Truth be told, there are still a lot of unanswered questions about women’s sexuality, and this is one of them.

Q: I feel very self-conscious about my body when making love. What can I do to get over it?
Feeling self-conscious is an instant sexy-feeling killer. The good news is that it’s all in your head. Seriously. Whether you feel good or bad about yourself has everything to do with what you’re thinking and nothing to do with anything else. You want to feel better about yourself? Then think positive. Focus on how sexy, how hot, how desirable you are. You know what they say: Confidence is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

Q: I’m feeling guilty about the fact that I fantasize about guys other than my fiancé. What can I do to stop this?
I don’t know if you really need to stop it. So long as you don’t confuse fantasy with reality, there’s no harm in letting your imagination wander. In fact, I might go so far as to say that it’s a good way to manage desire for other people. (And there will be desire for other people; let’s not kid ourselves about that.) Just learn to be comfortable with the fact that fantasies indicate nothing more than healthy human curiosity.

Email your sex-related questions to Hailey at advice@2magazine.com